My Fear of Writing

 

It has been a while since I last wrote a blog post.  Ok, its been a looooong while since I last wrote a blog post (over 5 months).  But, I guess now is as good a time to reboot or re-reboot my blog.

I like writing/blogging, I ready do. But there are a number of reasons I don’t do it much.  The worst reason is I am afraid of what people will think of me or what I have written. I have lived long enough to know I have deep seated need to be liked and accepted. This need has to do with being adopted, but that is a post for another time. So, when people disagree with me, disapprove or don’t like me, I take it personally. I shouldn’t, but I do. This has caused me to remain silent on what I think and believe. This has caused me to shy away from sharing my thoughts on topics that would upset people.

I worry some will think I am theologically liberal or that I have gone soft on orthodox Christian doctrine.
I worry some will think I am too socially conservative and narrow minded.
I worry some will think I am too uninformed to be helpful.
I worry some will think I am too unstable to be emotionally healthy.
I worry some will think my humor is not funny.
I worry some will think my thoughts are pedantic.

All of this has created in me a fear of writing, speaking up and discussing what I think.

However, I think (good for me!) this re-reboot will end up as an exercise in letting lose those thoughts that roll around in my head regardless of what people say.  I am not going to go looking for fight nor is my intent to anger anyone, but I am sure it is going to happen. With that said, I am writing here for me and no one else. It is cathartic and refining. In one way its relaxing because I won’t have to hold my thoughts in my head. If people choose to follow along, that is great, lets dialogue.  If they don’t, that’s ok too, because this is a good chance for me to work out my thoughts on paper (or screen).

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