Questions You Can’t Ask…Unless

In polite company there are some questions you can’t ask if you want to stay in polite company.

  • Who did you vote for last election?
  • How much do you make?
  • Are you having good sex?
  • Are you pregnant?
  • How much do you weigh?

I think there are also questions that come up in the church we have no right to ask. Questions directed at other people that are personal, probing and interrogating. Questions designed to reveal a person’s inner most thoughts, struggles and doubts. Questions that can be convicting, painful and hard to answer.

In the church we can ask these questions from a tower of superiority, hoping to accentuate a spiritually maturity gap.   Grilling someone under the guise of care. Playing the part of the Grand Inquisitor, “for their own benefit.” Sometimes we ask these questions as a way to hide. If are bold enough to ask the questions, then maybe people will be too sacred to ask them of us. We can try to appear wise beyond our capacity, masking our deficiencies, by asking questions.

In the church we should not ask…

  • What is God saying to you?
  • What have you learned about the character of God recently?
  • What is your kryptonite (weakness)?
  • How is your sexual integrity holding up?
  • Who are you mentoring?
  • Who is mentoring you?
  • Is your debit to income ratio well balanced?
  • What does your spiritual growth and development look like?
  • How is your marriage?
  • How is your relationship with your kids?
  • What character challenges are you facing?

…unless the person doing the asking is able to answers the questions themslevies. We should not ask these questions unless the questioner has done the hard work of self examination in order to offer answers. Unless the interrogator is willing to be interrogated (and dare I say willing to go first!).

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye
and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?
Matthew 7:3

Spiritual growth is not a game of “gotcha!” Its not about pointing out others flaws. Its not about asking for what we are not willing to give.

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
Proverbs 27:17

Becoming more like Jesus requires honesty, transparency and vulnerability. I think the church should be more about sharing stories than asking questions.

I do not understand what I do.
For what I want to do I do not do,
but what I hate I do.
Romans 7:15


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