Re-Entry

Coming home from India I was sick.  I think it started with dehydration and travel exhaustion.  Debra blames my weak immune system. But one day while visiting a day care center for street kids, a little girl sneezed on me. Two days later I was sick.

Everyday I am home, I am feeling better and better physically.  However, there is something weird going on inside of me.  No its not something in my stomach anymore, but in my heart and head.

Yesterday was my first day back working through my normal routine and I hated it.  I wanted something to change.  I wanted something to be different.  I did not want to be the same person, doing the same things as before I went to India.  Shoot, I traveled to the other side of the planet for crying out out loud, something should be different!

Needless to say, I put on my usual clothes, made my usual lunch (pb&j) and worked my usual schedule. This all happened because even though I want something to be different, I don’t know what that “something” is.  Even though I desire change, I don’t know where that change needs to happen.

It is physical? Is it spiritual? Is is mental? Is it emotional? I just don’t know.

Some initial thoughts about changed were:

  • What if I quit the dojo to create space to learn a language? (I felt really hindered trying to teach only in English while in India.)
  • What if I audited a class at Denver Seminary?
  • What if I reworked my schedule?
  • What if…?
  • What if…?
  • What if…?

What is for sure, is that I have a small window in which to figure out what this “change” will be.  Weeks maybe? Possibly only days?  At some point my coming home or my re-entry will wear off and my life will take over again.  If I don’t act quickly I may lose this feeling and desire.  If something does not change soon, it might never change.

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